A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
Why do programmers prefer dark chocolate?
Because it's bitter like their code.
Why did the programmer always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program
the rest of them will write Perl
Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
He didn't know how to null his feelings.
Why did the programmer always carry a pencil?
They preferred to write in C#.
Why did the designer break up with their font?
Because it wasn't their type.
How do you generate a random string?
Put a Windows user in front of Vim and tell them to exit.
I was gonna tell you a joke about UDP...
...but you might not get it.
Why did the developer break up with their keyboard?
It just wasn't their type anymore.