A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
How do you comfort a designer?
You give them some space... between the elements.
Why was the font always tired?
It was always bold.
A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...
'Can I join you?'
Why did the programmer always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards?
Because they use a strongly typed language.
What's the best part about TCP jokes?
I get to keep telling them until you get them.
Where did the API go to eat?
To the RESTaurant.
How do you generate a random string?
Put a Windows user in front of Vim and tell them to exit.
How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None that's a hardware problem